August 2004 I was working a night shift, he came down stairs around 9pm and we started chatting. We had not spoke much to each other prior to this. All of a sudden it was 3:30am and we were still deep in conversation. We talked of our past, of our marriages, and our spouses. I said to him "the grass is never greener on the other side" I also said that night "sex is over rated"
This time in my life was very lonely. I had just had my job title and description change. I wasn't happy about this change at all. My marriage was dark and lonely. I just did what I had to do to keep everyone living under my roof happy. My thoughts, feelings and happiness never seemed to matter much.
That night we talked I felt something I hadn't felt in years and years. There was this spark, this chemistry. We completely and totally connected. There was no flirting, or talk that might be considered inappropriate. There was this unexplainable connection, and hours of great conversation. It was amazing to have someone actually hear what I was saying, and respond in a positive way. This was something I was lacking and missing in my marriage.
That night past and life continued on as normal. I would see him in passing and every time my heart would pound, and my face would flush. I started fantasizing about him. Spending time thinking about him and that night.
Christmas came and went, he invited my husband and I to his house for New Years Eve. I declined coming up with one excuse or another. I could not imagine being in his home with his wife. Even though nothing had happened I do think it would have been very uncomfortable.
His wife went away in the beginning January he called the office looking for a coworker. We were on the phone that night for over 3 hours, just chatting. He never did talk to that coworker. He asked for my email address so he could send me some information he had. The next day I received an email from him. I replied thanking him. Again it was all very innocent. After that week the emails started a few a week, again just chatting about life, nothing too personal. As friends we really clicked.
The emails became more and more frequent, until they were up to a few or more a day. Then the phone calls started here and there nothing too regular. He mentioned to me that he and some other people from work were going out and that I should join them. Neither one of us went out often, between work and family it was rare thing.
We went out that night, had many beverages. We were at the bar and there was a lot of people there, and at one point I was pushed into his back, the next thing you know we were randomly touching each other. We snuck out together early. We walked and talked and talked and walked. At one point we were holding hands and just talking. I of course had to much to drink which in turn makes me say too much. I told him of the attraction I had for him, and the fantasies I had had. He told me the same. He walked me all the way home and we were saying good bye, and he took me into his arms and kissed me. A kiss that I will never forget. I remember walking away feeling this incredible high. I was in ahhhh..
When I woke up the next morning, I was angry with myself for crossing that line. I was angry for telling him the things I did. I wanted to email him and tell him how sorry I was. I would sit down at the computer and start to type, but nothing sounded right. Nothing that day could undue what we did. He never sent me a email that day, which really added to that sick feeling I was having. I remember thinking I didn't want things to be weird between us.
Monday morning my phone rings, it was him. Saying all those things I was feeling. He was feeling them as well. He felt he pushed himself on me. I was feeling I pushed myself on him. We decided that day to never cross that line again and to remain as good friends. We really had leaned on each other over the last few months and both were grateful for the support. It sounded simple enough then.
This time in my life was very lonely. I had just had my job title and description change. I wasn't happy about this change at all. My marriage was dark and lonely. I just did what I had to do to keep everyone living under my roof happy. My thoughts, feelings and happiness never seemed to matter much.
That night we talked I felt something I hadn't felt in years and years. There was this spark, this chemistry. We completely and totally connected. There was no flirting, or talk that might be considered inappropriate. There was this unexplainable connection, and hours of great conversation. It was amazing to have someone actually hear what I was saying, and respond in a positive way. This was something I was lacking and missing in my marriage.
That night past and life continued on as normal. I would see him in passing and every time my heart would pound, and my face would flush. I started fantasizing about him. Spending time thinking about him and that night.
Christmas came and went, he invited my husband and I to his house for New Years Eve. I declined coming up with one excuse or another. I could not imagine being in his home with his wife. Even though nothing had happened I do think it would have been very uncomfortable.
His wife went away in the beginning January he called the office looking for a coworker. We were on the phone that night for over 3 hours, just chatting. He never did talk to that coworker. He asked for my email address so he could send me some information he had. The next day I received an email from him. I replied thanking him. Again it was all very innocent. After that week the emails started a few a week, again just chatting about life, nothing too personal. As friends we really clicked.
The emails became more and more frequent, until they were up to a few or more a day. Then the phone calls started here and there nothing too regular. He mentioned to me that he and some other people from work were going out and that I should join them. Neither one of us went out often, between work and family it was rare thing.
We went out that night, had many beverages. We were at the bar and there was a lot of people there, and at one point I was pushed into his back, the next thing you know we were randomly touching each other. We snuck out together early. We walked and talked and talked and walked. At one point we were holding hands and just talking. I of course had to much to drink which in turn makes me say too much. I told him of the attraction I had for him, and the fantasies I had had. He told me the same. He walked me all the way home and we were saying good bye, and he took me into his arms and kissed me. A kiss that I will never forget. I remember walking away feeling this incredible high. I was in ahhhh..
When I woke up the next morning, I was angry with myself for crossing that line. I was angry for telling him the things I did. I wanted to email him and tell him how sorry I was. I would sit down at the computer and start to type, but nothing sounded right. Nothing that day could undue what we did. He never sent me a email that day, which really added to that sick feeling I was having. I remember thinking I didn't want things to be weird between us.
Monday morning my phone rings, it was him. Saying all those things I was feeling. He was feeling them as well. He felt he pushed himself on me. I was feeling I pushed myself on him. We decided that day to never cross that line again and to remain as good friends. We really had leaned on each other over the last few months and both were grateful for the support. It sounded simple enough then.
1 comment:
Sometimes things grow on their own. I know the feeling.
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