Speak when you are angry
After MH (my husband) suspected MA and I having an affair nothing was ever the same. He tried, he really tried and so did I. I do think I wanted my marriage to work, maybe not for the right reasons, but none the less I believed I wanted to make a go at it. MH was dealing with things not well to say the least. He told everyone that would listen that I had been sleeping with MA. He told MA he wouldn't tell his wife, but I am sure this was his way of letting his wife know without directly telling her. The night back in October 2005 when he was raging he called MA at his house and his wife answered. MA ran out and found a pay phone to call MH back. His wife called our house wondering why MH called. At the time MH lied to her and said he was just asking him a question about something.
To make matters worse MH started drinking and when he drank he became very mean and unreasonable. This is a man I had spent the last twelve years with, who had all this respect for me and even had me on a pedestal. I fell hard off that pedestal. Before this happened he had never even called me a name ever. The worse thing he had said to me prior to the affair was "you're being a bitch" and he was pretty mad to even say that.
Just before Christmas 2005 he came home and was drunk. My oldest daughter had her boyfriend over and I had told his mom I would make sure I drove him home at 11. MH in his drunken state insisted I go to bed with him. I explained that I couldn't and why. He became irate. He started freaking out on me calling me a whore etc... he then grabbed me by the arm and tried pushing me down the stairs. MH is 6'4 and weighs 285lbs, so it was very difficult to keep my self from being hurt. He eventually gave up and went to bed. The next day he couldn't believe what he had done and blamed it on bad rye. (whatever) He did stop drinking for a few weeks anyway.
I was scared and feeling more alone then ever. MA was there for me. He was my shoulder he was my strength and my light. MA was supportive and understanding. We weren't meeting like we use to, but we continued to talk as much as we could, but very cautiously this time. He kept me smiling and sane. When we did work together we spent as much time as we could together because this was the only place we were able to see each other.
My dad and step mom came for Christmas that year. MH told my dad why he wasn't drinking and what he had done. So I thought that things would get better with him, how I was so wrong.
On Christmas eve I went and seen MA at work and we exchanged gifts, hugs and kisses. The love we had for each other had only become stronger through the stress around us.
4 comments:
Andy ... you have my deepest sympathies ... you are living a hell on both sides of the fence. While I don't condone extra-martial affairs they are sometimes necessary. I fully believe that if you are so interested is another person because you relationship is not well, then you are far better off leaving the bad relationship, moving out on your own for a year to let everything settle and then you may regain the feelings you had for the man before you married him. If not, then continue your life with a new relationship.
Now, it is very easy for me to say because I am not involved in your relationship. I also believe that doing it the way I described (or something similar) fewer people get hurt and your name does not get bandied about as a whore, cheater or whatever else your husband call you to others.
If you leave, leave because you have serious problems in your relationship, not simply because another guy flatters you more, is better in bed, etc..
Think, and do it for the right reasons. You'll also get more respect from your children .. they will still love you.
I hope I have not been too harsh with my comment, but being troubled as you are, it sometimes serves a purpose to get jarred into thinking along a different path.
Be well.
George: Never to harsh I do appreciate your comment. This was well over a year ago, things got bad enough that I did ask MH to move out. We have been seperated for a year now. I have not moved on with MA or anyone else for that matter. MA is also living a single life as well, thanks to our affair. We still see each other regularly but it is kept very quiet and secret for many reasons. I do not believe him and I will be anymore then what we are now, which is what I am struggling with.
Wow Andy, Now I know why you could relate to my poem on my blog. If it helps I completely understand what you are going through. I have read your blog from start to finish and the similarities in our situations and frighteningly alike.
I am still married but am having an affair of sorts with a very good friend. I love him with all my heart but our opportunities are very limited and I spend my whole existence longing for the next time we can be together. He is married too and his wife watches him like a hawk because she knows how I feel about him. My husband doesn't have any idea. Its so complicated and I often wonder how it will all play out.
I would love to add you to my blog roll because I somehow feel comfort that I am not the only one feeling this way. Does that sound selfish?
Keep strong and proud Andy, its important that you love yourself.
Living with someone with a drinking problem would be impossible. I'm glad you're out. As far as the affairs go by the time it happens the love is dead and gone.
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