Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other, but what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone. We are the victims of a one sided affair. We are the cursed of the love ones. We are the unloved ones. Walking wounded, the handicap without the advantage of a great parking space.
Yes you are reading about one such individual. I have willingly loved a man for over two miserable years. The absolute worst years of my life. The worst Christmas's, the worst Birthdays, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and Valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god just the sight of him, heart pounding, throat thickening absolutely can't swallow. All the usual symptoms.
There once was a time that he confessed his undying love for me. Told me I was the love of his life. Mind you it was safer then, he was married and I was married, neither one of us had any intention on leaving our spouses. Now without the security of our marriages, he tells me he doesn't know what love is. He tells me he has personal issues to work out. What happened to that two years we shared when a day never past without him telling me he loved everything about me.
There was a few times during those years that I tried to break things off with him, it was too much for me. He wouldn't let it happen. When I would not answer his phone calls and emails, he would show up at work and again tell me he can't live without me being a part in his life. Now well everything is so different. It is no longer about how much he loves me, but instead how great our sex life is, how he loves how many times he can make me cum. How he is horny.
Tonight we were talking he was telling me about this girl that is very much taken by him. She has made it known that she will one day be with him. This girl calls often and is pushing very hard to date him. He says he is not at all interested. So I tell him to tell this girl that. How hard can it be? Well he then tells me he tells her that he is really not into dating yet, and how he doesn't want to cause more problems between him and his ex wife. Making a ton of excuses. He told me he really doesn't want to hurt this girl. It was like he slapped me in the face. He won't let me go because he doesn't want to hurt me. I am his charity case.
Or maybe it's all about a cat and mouse game. He broke things off with me, I was hurt and sad. All of the time keeping him as a friend the daily emails and phone calls through out the day never stoped. Not wanting to let him know how broken I really was. I got over it and started moving forward. As soon as he sensed I was okay without him, not needing him, he then started to seduce me all over again. I gave into the his power, but stayed very distant. Sensing this he tried harder, buying me dinner, bring me chocolates, making time to see me, and many other things. Then once he sensed those feelings again he pushed me away once again. Making those excuses on how busy he is, and how tired he is. Making me feel very unimportant.
Is this a cat and mouse game with him? I am starting to tire of what ever it is. He is taking his kids away this week for spring break. I am hoping I can find the strength to move forward during this time apart. I need to put him behind me. It is time. I am better then just a Charity case. Yes the sex is out of this world, I could spend hours and hours just making out with him, but even so he doesn't have a clue all of what I desire sexually. He would never be able to full fill any of those fantasy I have.
So today is a new day, it is a brand new week. I need to focus on me. Wish me luck.
6 comments:
You are worth focussing on you. huggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
I think you just need to talk it out with him and if you don't get the answers that you need then I really think it's better to walk away otherwise you could waste a lifetime and regret not moving on when you look back at the situation. Life is too short so live it ;-)
Look at your emails :-)
You can find great sex with lots of guys. Why waste your time with one that doesn't respect you?
SM: We have had "the talk" but we always end right back here again. We have both broke things off and then end up having amazing break up sex and once again end up here.
Mt D: You are right you can always find great sex, or even make your sex great, but there is something to be said about chemistry and that connection. I don't think this is easy to find. I think he respects me because of his honesty, but then again maybe not. I am soooo confused. UGH!!!
I was in the same situation not long ago myself. That cat and mouse game is sick, mean and totally selfish of him. He is the one who cannot let you go, you surely can and find yourself again and be truly happy without that excuse of a man. To me its simple if a guy loves you, he will want to be with you...point blank. Until they prove that they truly love you with no games or bs, than they just aren't interested in you enough to bother. Oh but they will keep you close, for sure because they know you are very much interested in them. Huni, word to the wise, ditch the bastard, have a spa day and welcome your brand new life without that scum bag!!!<3
If you waste time on him, YOUR TIME , well life is gonna waste away.. Chin up dear!
Superb study, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing just a little research on that. And he really bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Many thanks for lunch!
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