I could have laid next to you forever,
But then I know tomorrow soon would come,
And still we couldn't be together . . .
I went against what my head was saying,
and followed my heart through,
And instead of quitting while I was ahead,
I started falling in love with you
We had so much fun together,
the memories we made so great,
all those nights laughing and smiling,
staying up so late.
As the snow falls on the sidewalks,
I know this too will pass,
for feelings are like the seasons changing,
and one season never lasts.
So, I know this must stop now,
and tomorrow soon will come,
as we walk away and never look back,
as our warm feelings become numb.
I cried all the way home on Monday morning. I still haven't sent him the email. So he still has no idea that Sunday night was our last night. He has had a long hard week so I really didn't want to add to his misery. We worked together a couple days this week. We have still chatted a few times a day. It is as if everything is the same. Other then my heart is breaking a little more each day.
I don't know what I am waiting for. I guess I am scared. He asked me to come over tomorrow night. He asked if I could come early, but then commented about it still be day light! I can't help feeling that he is embarrassed of me. Gawd forbid anyone ever know he has been sleeping with me for the last two and half years. He has made a make believe women up to tell the guys who he as been with, so they will get off his back, and stop trying to get him laid. Again I guess a fake women is better then me.
6 comments:
I have no advice to give... But I know what you're going through is incredibly hard.
My thoughts are with you.
omg Andy. My heart sank as I read the last paragraph. You are no fake woman. Not to him or anyone else.
Please don't say that about yourself ... nobody is better than you ... ever! If he is ashamed of you then you should have left him a long time ago ... who can be ashamed of somebody they love? In my opinion, if he felt that way then there was not a lot of love in his heart. Was he, perhaps, trying to protect you so that rumors/stories get back to you or your husband?
Send him the e-mail, the longer you wait the harder it will be for you to finalize this. The longer it takes the more you will torment yourself.
Be well Andy, in your heart, your mind and your soul. Do it for yourself and your own well-being.
Is it fair to say that you gave up your marriage for this man? Is it fair to say that he gave up his for you? If this is true, why would he be ashamed? Life isn't always pretty and it isn't always fair, but if you two want to be together and get past all the hurt and pain of your affair than you need to be honest with each other and with the people around you. No wonder your heart is breaking a little each time. I hope this situation works out to a place where you are happy!
Only you can decide what the best thing to do is and when Andy. I think you know deep down that what is happening is very self destructive, soul destroying and is gradually eating away your self esteem but until you are in the right place in your head, it will continue. The fact you haven't told him its over tells me you are not quite ready to let go.
Unfortunately sometimes we have to keep hurting ourselves until something snaps and enough is enough!!
I'm not sure why he is keeping you a secret as neither of you are married anymore. I think that would be the final straw for me.
Take care and I'm thinking about you, I know exactly what you're going through.
PS Loved the poem btw
Secretrider: Thank you, yes this has to be the hardest thing I have been through in a very long time.
BJ: You are right I'm not fake, but still not good enough.
George: Thank you, you are right I sent that email. UGH!
Anony: Yes we both left are marriages, yes neither one of us were willing to give each other up for our marriages. I think once he got out, he was ready to give me up, but just didn't know how.
Angel: I think our lifes are running in the same direction at the same speed. I think of you often. Thanks for all the kind words.
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